Why I Love Being in a Throuple
Once again, I’ve found myself in a throuple, and once again, I question why I’m ever not in a throuple. A throuple, for those of you who live under a rock, is a portmanteau of the words “threesome” and “couple.” In a throuple, all partners are dating one another. Now there are closed throuples, meaning these people don’t date and sleep with other people outside of their two partners, and there are open or polyamorous throuples, where it’s permitted to sleep and date other folks outside of the throuple.
If you know anything about me, you know that the throuple I’m in is for sure open. Sure, there are some challenges that come with being in a relationship with two people at once. But I’m not going to focus on those. Besides, those challenges can be resolved with honest communication — like, you know — every single problem in any relationship ever. Feeling jealous or left out, talk about it! You only want to sleep with one person and not the other? Talk about it! (Although, I’d be very careful in how you approach that sticky wicket.)
No, what I want to talk about is why I absolutely love being in a throuple.
1) Two Heads Are Better Than One
I know the phrase “two heads are better than one” usually pertains to receiving advice. And it’s definitely true. It’s much better to talk things over with two people I trust when I’m making a big life-altering decision than one. But two heads are better than one for regular, boring old conversation, too. Each person in the relationship brings their own unique experiences, passions, and things they’ve read to the conversation, making general chit-chat fuller.
2) Always Someone To Hang Out With
One person has to work late? Not to worry! You have someone else to hang out with. Oh, one of your partners hates musicals? No problem! Your other partner would be more than happy to see the new West Side Story on Broadway with you. It’s nice always having someone to do things with.
The sex. Duh. Like, I didn’t want to put this as the first thing on the list, because I didn’t want to make it seem like throuples are all about the sex, but also, yes. Threesomes are hot. There’s just so much more you can do with a third person. And it feels incredible to be sexually connected with two people at once. It can be magical.
4) Throuples Satisfy My Attraction to Multiple Genders
Okay, let me make this VERY clear: most bisexual/pansexual/sexually fluid people do not need to be in a relationship with a man and woman to feel complete. It’s a vicious stereotype and one that’s hurtful to a lot of bi folks. Plenty of bi-identifying people are in happy, monogamous relationships with one person who identifies as a single gender. They aren’t secretly coveting going back to a man, if they’re with a woman. I, however, sometimes do miss being with a woman when I’m with a man and vice -versa. So for me – and again, I’m not talking about the rest of bi folks – it’s really nice to be in a MMF throuple.
While I know I can’t spend the rest of my life only dating couples (well, I guess I could, but I think that would really limit my dating options), I will say I freakin’ love it when I do. And since this will not likely last forever, I’m going to cherish the time with my two partners while I can.
Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, culture, and entertainment. He was formerly the digital associate editor at OUT Magazine.His work has been featured in Rolling Stone, Washington Post, Playboy, and more.