Thought Beyond the Binary

By Courtney Brame August 09, 2019

I heard queerness defined as “Thought Beyond the Binary” and my head exploded. I used to view queerness as weird by definition. This definition isn’t nice, but I legit thought that’s what it meant so for a long time now, I’ve thought queer identifying people were just embracing their weirdness. As I’ve had conversations with people who are non-conforming, I began to perceive queerness as “questioning” which made sense because queer and questioning kinda sound the same right? Nah, that’s not it either. What about queer being kinda straight? Like maybe a woman kisses women from time to time but isn’t a lesbian or bisexual, or a man will penetrate a man but not be penetrated so he says he isn’t gay. So is queerness an entry point to the LGBTQIA+ community? So queer in my mind just meant ‘kinda straight’.


I am quickly learning that those who don’t fully read posts are quick to comment so before I receive feedback stating how wrong I am, it’s important we all understand that the above are thoughts I’ve had about queerness leading up to actually having conversations with queer identifying people.


The common theme is that queer identifying people simply experience “Thought Beyond the Binary”.  That definition puts all the unique expressions of queerness into a space that allows every individual to define it for themselves. While that challenges labels for understanding to the masses, it opens up a new way of viewing not only attraction to partners, but also the belief that things have to be either this or that. If you regularly listen to spfpp, you know how much I do not approve of the statement, “you can’t have your cake and eat it too”. Why would I want cake I can’t eat!?


We think life is about duality, when really it’s about integration. Have cake, eat cake, try different cakes, meet bakers and share cake. There’s an abundance of cake when you are willing to share your own so there’s no need to feel like you have to either have it or eat it. Integration looks like sharing cake which brings us from the scarcity mindset to abundance. Thought beyond the binary gives us access to abundance. Again, this applies to all areas of life, especially creativity, which is essential to evolution. Queerness the way I understand it now, connects at the point of  not conforming to binary gender roles.


I talk to Liza about this in more detail on Episode 94 of Something Positive for Positive People: “Thought Beyond the Binary”. We discuss the importance of pronoun recognition for some, define queerness for Liza (them/they), the evolution of attraction, dating and how an HSV positive vulva owner can protect their vulva owner partners. Please rate, review and subscribe to Something Positive for Positive People on your favorite podcast player.


Courtney W. Brame is the Founder of Something Positive for Positive People, a hub of sex-positive resources. 
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Courtney Brame is on social media @HOnMyChest