How To Survive The Holidays As A Single Person

By Brendan Windsor September 26, 2018

We’re heading into holiday season.

Turkey, ham, stuffing, and “when are you going to settle down?” are four things that most single people can count on when heading home for the holidays. Whether it’s your mother, creepy uncle, or favorite aunt—who oddly enough has been a widow 3 times, they all just want to know when you’re going to jump the broom and have a brood. Both scary things, I know. In any case, there are a number of ways to survive the mind-numbing questions and uncomfortable long weekends ahead.

 

1. Alcohol

You can never go wrong with good ol’ faithful. If it does its job correctly, you’ll either be left alone for the rest of your time there or banished from coming to future holidays. Now we’re not saying get “bachelor(ette) party” wasted, just a nice base that gets you in that ‘no regrets’ mood for responding however you’d like to whatever questions you’re asked.

 

2. Instigate

Sadly enough, every family has a couple of members that just don’t get along. Unfortunately for them, that is not your problem and you’ve got a bear to poke. Yes, we know, such a cruel thing to do during the holidays but the holidays were the original Hunger Games and you should treat it as such. Don’t go revealing any grave secrets or anything traumatic, but there’s nothing wrong with a little nudge into a tension-filled direction for familial adversaries to take all eyes and thoughts off of you.

 

3. Fake It

It’s time to call up your good friend that’s probably going through the exact same thing as you and work together to pull off your very own version of The Proposal—obviously without the deportation threats. You’ll need to get this particular tip underway immediately by making it social media official. Both families will be chomping at the bits to meet each other’s potential “soulmate” that you’ll have to split time between both, making this holiday season a lot less stressful for both your friend and yourself. The additional plus to this tip is that you’ll both get to have an amazing story to tell for the rest of your lives and someone else to experience the madness you have to deal with every time you go home.

 

4. Skip

For some, going home for the holidays is pretty costly and time consuming. When you mix that in with the upcoming endless questions about everything under the sun within your world, those lovely “now boarding to Punta Cana” announcements at the airport become hard to ignore. That’s right, instead of going home for the holidays, take that sunny vacation that’s continuously offered to you in the promotions section of your email. If not a sunny vacation, a lovely staycation within the comforts of your home is just as good. It’s not like you don’t have a million things to watch on any streaming service or trouble to get into at the local bars, while your lovely family is bummed out because of that pesky deadline that couldn’t be extended at your job. Just make sure to call the parents on the blessed day and all will be right in the world.