Don’t Assume I’m Straight Just Because I’m Femme. Don’t Tell Me I’m Too Pretty To Be Gay.

By Emily Lowinger June 26, 2019

“’Threesomes are only for dirty old men,’” the gynecologist replied.


Adorned in sparkles, Jenny stood with me outside and recounted this slut-shaming experience, an experience which is sadly so normal in the doctor’s office.


“I was like…okay, I was trying to be responsible, and I just happened to disclose my first and only sexual history to you, and it was with two women, so…sorry parents.”


Jenny O’Connell, an NYC-based actor, model, feminist and pianist was exasperated.


“I’ve had so many instances where I’ve tried to be responsible and get tested – only to be met with the judge face or bitch stares because of my sexuality.”


“I don’t normally get read as queer. It’s like, I’m not queer enough somehow because I pass for straight and there are just so many tiny instances I can remember where doctors haven’t been malicious per say, but they still do the whole ‘Oh, you must have a boyfriend’ or ‘What? You’re too pretty to be queer.’ Even if I happen to be dating a man I’m still queer. This doesn’t change anything.


People who aren’t queer and who don’t experience these things don’t understand how they add up, how they chip away and devalue you. I’m hoping with 2019 we can be more aware. The planet is dying, things are a garbage fire, can we all be kinder to one another? Maybe don’t tell me I’m too pretty to be gay, or actually…one of the weirdest things I’ve gotten is a doctor complimenting my uterus: ‘It’ll be great for birthing kids with your boyfriend.’ I’m like, no… With so many of these comments I wonder, ‘Would you say that to someone else?’”


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