Bisexual Dating Tips
As an out and proud bi man and activist, I’m constantly asked a number of questions about how to embrace a sexually fluid identity, especially when it comes to dating. For that reason, I thought it would be helpful to provide a few dating tips to help recently out bi folks navigate the traitorous waters of dating.
1. Be open and honest (but when you’re ready)
I read online (so obviously true!) once that women are more likely to say that they are taken much faster than men. And while that could be seen as somehow noble, sometimes, it’s also unnecessary (especially if the other partner doesn’t view themselves as being taken). The same goes for dating as a bi person. As you’re putting yourself out there, you are in no rush to deep dive into your entire sexual orientation immediately. Often times, folks want you to “prove” you’re bisexual by asking you to discuss every person you’ve ever dated or slept with. You don’t need to do that either. You don’t owe them any explanation. Take your time and when you’re ready, tell them you’re bisexual.
2. Put your bi on your dating profile
Okay, so let’s say you’re running into the issue of getting nervous on dates because you haven’t discussed your sexual identity. Or, you’ve run into the issue of waiting to disclose the fact that you’re bisexual, and your date freaks out and never wants to see you again. If you find yourself running into this problem often, list you’re bi on your dating profile. Sure, you’re likely to get fewer matches (if you’re a man) and propositioned for a hell of a lot more threesomes (if you’re a woman), but at least you won’t have to “come out” to the person officially when on a date. If they weren’t down with you being bi, they wouldn’t have swiped right and messaged you.
3. Be positive but also be prepared
Dating is fun but sometimes it can be scary too and as I mentioned above there are times when people just don’t ‘get’ bisexuality OR will constantly question your preferences. So be prepared for that. I once had a doctor tell me to ‘just pick.’ To just sleep with women. As if it is a matter of a simple choice. Bisexuality can be confusing for some and that confusion can be projected onto us in the form of disgust and hate. We’ve all dealt with ignorance so don’t let that stop you from being you and living your truest self. (And don’t give up on dating altogether either!) Remember, the right person will understand and will love you, and you also have a whole community behind you.
If you’re venturing into the world of bi dating make it easy on yourself by giving a bi friendly dating site a try. Luckily, there are a lot to pick from, Match, Tinder, Grindr, etc. My personal favorite is Dating.com – an inclusive, stigma-free dating site for people with STIs. I also love what they are doing outside of the dating world with their #WeNeedAButton campaign demanding sites like ZocDoc and Yelp to create a queer-friendly search function. Of course, you don’t only need to date another bi person, but I will say it makes it a bit easier initially! Definitely give it a shot and if it works out please share your insights.
5. Have fun!
This one goes out to all the people who may be scared to take that jump. Look, I get it. Dating can be overwhelming BUT it can also be a lot of fun. In fact, it should be a lot of fun, and if it’s not, then maybe take a break from dating. You should be enjoying yourself and time with others. Even if it turns out you haven’t met the love of your life, look at it as an opportunity to have an interesting conversation with someone or to try out a new restaurant you’ve had your eyes on. Odds are it will take a few tries to land the one you want to be with so have fun along the journey! Also, remember, you are in NO rush whatsoever. Whether you find the one at 30, 40, or 50, you’re still going to get to spend multiple decades with them.